The sun had set
And all was quiet at the hut
But there was a nagging sensation
That had started in my gut
A knowing wink to the boys
As I get prepared:
My bog roll and jumper
No need to be scared
I begin the slow trudge
In my Nike flip flops
To the best part of any hike
The aromatic long drops
Like most latrines
This one had its quirks
A good schlep from the hut
Getting there was hard work
I felt honoured to sit
Where so many had sat before
Making our deposits
Through the hole in the floor
But wait, what's that noise?
An ominous drone
Followed by a shadow
Flitting past my throne
Just a hint of black
And a flash of yellow
That meant this late night shit
Would be far from mellow
A wasp, A wasp!
My heart begins to race
What are the chances?
This time, this place!?
Quite quickly began
A peculiar ballet
Limbs scything through the air
Urging the damn thing away
I would have been calmer
This, I certainly know
If only I didn't have
My bits on show
The wasp takes a moment
Letting out a hearty buzz
What must have been 'wasp' for
"Come through, Cuz!"
A second buzz answers
This one, low and slow
Not coming from ground level
But from...down below??
You've got to be kidding
I'm ready to quit
There's another damn wasp
INSIDE the poo pit
I pick up the pace
Ripping through the toilet roll
Trying to avoid the projectile
Coming back UP the hole
As the panic sets in
The roll begins to run out
What do I do now?!
I wasn't taught this at Scouts!
Multiple scenarios
Run through my head
Do I yell? Do I shout?
Suffer in silence instead?
I decide on the spot
That to save my dignity
I would need to rely on
Some Purex origami
Making triangles outta squares
A fold, a tear and then some
Bear Grylls would be proud
Improvise, adapt, overcome
Single minded and swift
I follow the process to the T
With one last swipe
I'm done, I'm free!
I fling myself outside
And take a relieved look back
To see a wasp ascend
Where, seconds ago, sat my crack
After a long day of stinging
The wasp family could finally reunite
A wholesome embrace
Was I the real villain tonight?
No harm, no foul
And all ended well
I trudge back having survived
The long drop from hell
Enroute, I pass
One of the boys moving at pace
"Which one's cleanest?"he asks
A slow smile spreads across my face:
"If I were you,
I'd pick the one on the right,
and don't worry about that buzz,
Pretty sure its just the lights"
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